Running Shoes

In an earlier entry, I said that I felt like God was working on something. And indeed he was.

For a couple of weeks now, I have felt a nagging feeling about a couple different things. 

One of the things is our television. I have a love/hate relationship with that thing. I have said numerous times that we should just get rid of it...and there it  still sits..hooked up to the digital world. 

It really brings  trash into my home. My kids are way more materialistic than they were before they saw all kinds of things they never knew they needed. Their language is worse...mind you they do not talk like sailors (sorry daddy and papa) but it is worse also. 

They see kids disrespecting their parents..which is direct contrast to Ephesians 6:1 that calls children to obey their parent because it is what God wants.  I have felt God bringing this to my attention so often. I let them watch to much tv. 

Can I get by with just cutting the time drastically that they get to watch? Is it better that I just get it out of here and stop inviting that kind of ungodliness into our home? I do not watch it that much...but it would still be a huge  sacrifice on my part.

I also feel like I have missed the boat on being a truly Godly wife and homemaker. I feel like there is such chaos in our home. Yes, there is chaos with 4 kids...but it feels like more than that. If feels like I have bucked what I know God wants for me. He has a beautiful plan for me..I am his child-but I have turned on my heels and huffed away saying "No thank-you..I can do it myself!"(To quote a 2 year old who will not be named.)  

And I haven't a clue really. But I do know that what I feel in our home isn't His best.

It is mine. 

It is my selfishness. 

My pride. 

My laziness. 

My disorder.

I love how God reveals himself to his children. He has shown up in a bunch of ways lately. I read an article in a homeschooling magazine that made me  bristle when I read it. Matter of fact, I threw it across the room and walked off. But, deep down..I knew the author was right. I didn't like being called out...especially by someone who doesn't know me. I received a catalog in the mail and there was a book in there that spoke to me also. It was like all the puzzle piece fell right into place and God said.."Here it is. I can fix this if you will move over and let me take this."

I am not the women spoken of in Proverbs 31. Don't get me wrong..I think there are some things I do well. But I really think that I have set my mind and therefore my heart on things of this world. I want what society tells me I need. I want to look a certain way or dress a certain way or be like this person or that one. When what I need to to turn my heart toward God and ask him what he wants for me. How can he refine my spirit. How can he shape me and make me.

I am confessing that I don't really know what it means to give it all to God. I have been keeping a small part back. Just in case He can't hack it..I have a place to start over. So I am giving it all over. I will fall and dust myself off a few times I am sure. I have grace  and mercy to accompany me. I have forgiveness to wash me clean when I get dirty. 

I will sing with joy to my Lord. 

I will shout aloud to the Rock of my salvation!

I will come bofore him with thankgiving and extoll him with music and song. 

So here I go on a new journey. And once again..the verse in Hebrews speaks so loudly  to me..

..let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...

I need my  shoes....I have a race to run!