Beauty from Ashes

I have been having a rough 2 weeks. I am coming to terms with the life that God has given me.I am working thru the idea if have 4 kids that have "special needs" to one degree or another. The path is a rocky road and it is not what I had pictured for my journey. I am finding that Tourette's is a far more encompassing diagnosis than I knew. I am weary. I am feeling a heavy burden . I wonder... Are you sure you want me to be the one to do this job? I am sure there are other far better equipped to do this than I am.

 I am tired of it. I am tired of therapies, evaluations, trips to Little Rock, having to double and triple check before we go eat somewhere. The list could go on and on...

 But in all that, I hear the Lord say to me .."my yoke is easy my burden is light." I pray these words. I want to feel the easy hand of the savior rest upon my shoulder and tell me that it really is going to be fine. Even if the path is long and full of potholes, it will be alright in the end!

He is the Sovereign Lord. He is the one in control and I must wait for his bidding. He will not bring me to the valley and then leave me. He has promised to walk before me. He has promised to be my refuge and my hiding place. Will I seek him or find my own place? Too often I am seeking my will and my own hiding place. 

I love the passage is Isaiah 61:1-3. It is a balm for my spirit right now:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on then a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

I want to trade my ashes for a crown of beauty. I want to trade my mourning for gladness and to wear the garmet of praise wrapped snug around me. I want to be an oak of righteousness. I am praying this week  to  see the ways that God is showing himself to me. I want to see Him and claim that which He is doing. I want to praise him when I feel like running away and to glorify him when I want to whine. I want to lift my eyes to the Maker and have him shine down with grace and mercy on me for those times when I am selfish and think I can do it better. I want forgiveness when my rope is at it's end and instead of hanging on and waiting, I bail. 

It is my hope that if you are feeling weary and alone, know you most certainly are not. You can join me in my boat and we will paddle together the waters of life. We will praise and cry together and know that God is working good works, but in His time. We will wait together in the river of friendship. The maker of the heavens knows who we are. He knew us before we were formed and he wants us to be his-and his alone. He gave his life to make us his children. He is coming back for us.  I hope that you will see God actively working in your life and the lives of those nearest to you. I pray that you can trade your ashes for a crown of beauty too.

God bless....