What I know to be true...

I have been doing a lot of thinking and talking to people I respect, since our famous "hole in the wall day". I have prayed and talked and listened and asked and cried and pleaded for help and answers.

I think we are going to take Skipper off the medications and see what we get. He has just not been himself since we started the whole medicate process and I don't like what it has done to him.

The whole problem stems from the multiple diagnosis that he has. Do we treat the ADHD? The Tourettes, the OCD, the rage, the depression?? And of course...that is alot for anybody to deal with and it would completely overload  his system if we medicated for all of them. So we have to decide which one has the most impact on his abililty to function in his daily living.

It is my opinion that the OCD didn't start until we started the first medication. That was suppose to treat the tics...but has proven to do more for his ADHD...and nothing for the tics.

Then we started the anger thing..and the OCD..and man, can he obsess over things...OH MY WORD!!!! Then we added the second medication.

Who knows..maybe we should take him off the first-but keep him on the second medication...that seems to work for his tics(sort of). See this is what I do, I talk my way in circles and come up with about a dozen different scenarios!

So pray...pray that things will smooth out for us. Pray that we do the right thing for him. Pray that we don't screw this up. That is my biggest fear...I can write it easier than I can say it out loud. 

I am so afraid that this is going to be too much.

I am afraid of what we might find out. 

I am afraid for him-for his future.

I am afraid that in this cruddy fallen world we live in-bad things happen and I am afraid that I will loose him. 

There..I said it, it is out there. I am afraid. I am afraid.

I...am....afraid.

I want to hide under a rock until this passes.

I want to burry my head in the sand and pretend that this doesn't exist. 

I am afraid of what else God will ask me to bear. 

I evidently do not have the faith in myself that He has in me.

I don't want to be the mom of 4 special needs kids.

I am tired.

I am worn.

I want to know why us?

Why my kids?-all of them.

My plate if full.

I haven't room for anything else have I? 

I guess that remains to be seen.

So again I will cling to what I do know to be true... I see the earthly..not the eternal . My thoughts are not His thoughts and my ways and not His ways. So for now..I will find comfort in Isaiah 55:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher that your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields  seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace: the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush  will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for and everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed." Isaiah 55:8-13.